he wants to bone in the snuggie
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
