she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
