We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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