I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
