I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Are my feet made of real feet?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
