Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Randomize
