why didn't you poke me back
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
