Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm both gender and math confused
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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