Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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