just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
