last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
