you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
