Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
