I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
