What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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