You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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