Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize