this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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