We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
