Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
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