I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I am never drinking with the goths again.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
