U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
