he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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