Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
