And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
