apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
