I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize