Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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