You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
