nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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