then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize