my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
