I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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