She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
