Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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