i barfeds in our rink
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
