Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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