I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
