i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
