I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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