Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
How's work?
Spinning.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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