I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
