Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
