Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
