When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
