And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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