As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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