im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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