My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
