I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize