awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
