My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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