U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
