I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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