is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
