Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
