I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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