So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
