i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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