She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize