I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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