i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Boobs are out for the taking
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
