there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
