Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize