well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
