Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
