my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
