best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
