yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
