dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
