is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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