is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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