Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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