If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
