Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
