i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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