Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
