P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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