she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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