there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
