I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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