He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Sober January is a disaster.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
