So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
