when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
