all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
