Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
