There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
