you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
