my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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