Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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