get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
