I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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