You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
