I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
