Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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