I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
