Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
