how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
