He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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