Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
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