i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
