I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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