get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
