just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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